The FM's Party Survival Guide

Traditionally, the beginning of December heralds the onset of the work's-Christmas-party season. Whilst there are many who look forward to the prospect of getting a little tipsy and having a boogie with colleagues, for many in the FM  industry the very thought of sitting down to a turkey dinner with work's-people fills them with dread.  In this blog I explore the reasons why and give some of my party survival tips.

So what exactly do Facilities Managers have against the work's-Christmas-party anyway?  Well for a start it's not just the Christmas party.  In fact, it's not even just work's-parties:  A lot of us have a beef with parties in general.  And it's not because we're cantankerous, Victor Meldrew types either:  It's because in almost any party situation it's virtually inevitable that someone will ask you what you do for a living and if you work in FM, 99% of the time that conversational thread will lead to the point where you end up having to say “Well no, actually! Not like a janitor at all!”  This will be followed by about an hour of explanation as to why being an FM is not like being a janitor.  Not that there's anything wrong with being one, but it's just that the effort of having to spend all that time at parties explaining what you do (when you should be having fun) can really grind you down.

Still it could be worse: at least we're not Health & Safety Officers!  That might sound harsh, but honestly, those poor guys have it way tougher than Facilities people.  If, in a party situation, you ever find yourself foolishly happening to admit that your work involves being responsible for managing Safety, the best course of action to follow is to immediately get up from the table, step outside, hail a cab and go home...... because that's your night done!  If you're stubborn enough to stay, you'll spend the rest of the night having to justify or refute every safety measure or myth ever conceived to people with a chemically-diminished capacity for logical and reasoned discussion. It's a no-win situation.

But if parties in general are bad, in many ways the work's-party can be the pits. For a start everyone already knows that you're not a formula one driver and to make matters worse;  everyone, and yes I do mean everyone, will talk shop to an FM at a work's-party.  Now there are those who say that talking shop is par for the course and to a certain extent they're right. But....... there is a world of difference between gossiping about who is and isn't getting promoted and the relentless barrage of gripes and grumbles some FMs have to put up with. At the work's-party, an FM can find themselves facing a steady stream of people who, on account of the fact that they've just bumped into you, decide that it is surely the perfect opportunity for passing on that complaint about the air-conditioning that they haven't got round to emailing you about yet. I mean why not? It's not like you make it easy for them to catch up with you during the 'normal' working day by being at work, having a phone and an email account is it?  At Christmas parties past, whilst everyone else has been busy occupying themselves by eating mince pies and trying to work out who Sarah-from-Accounts has been disappearing into the stationary cupboard with,  I've had my evening wasted justifying the recycling policy, getting feedback about cleaning, explaining air-conditioning, hearing everyone's opinion of the vending coffee, etc, etc, ad infinitum. And it's not that I normally mind talking about that stuff, it's just that, well...........it's a party: I'm here to have fun like everyone else!

The list of minor groans and grievances you can face at a party can almost be enough to put you off going. Almost. But you shouldn't be deterred: FMs make a huge contribution to an organisation's success and they have every right to celebrate that success with colleagues.  Not only that, but it's a great way of engaging in the culture.  In fact, one of the reasons many FMs suffer from such a hard time at work's-parties, is that they fail to identify it as an engagement opportunity and therefore don't go adequately  prepared. 

So if all of this sounds a little too familiar, allow me to share with you my top tips for Christmas-party survival.

1:  If you're off the clock, be off the clock

Some people say that that listening to moans and groans goes with the job, but I say that it's just plain rude.  Between courses I might well spend time engaging in speculation with colleagues about the extent of Sarah-in-Account's extra-curricular activities, but if I was to collar her at the bar and give her a hard time about the speed and accuracy of her invoice coding, most people would say I was "bang out of order: It's a party for heavens sake!"   So be prepared to politely and firmly stand your ground:  There is absolutely nothing wrong in saying “I'd really like to talk to you about this on Monday, but it's a party so do you mind if we don't talk shop?”

2:  People love to hear themselves talk

Something that not all FMs realise is that......... it's not just FMs who feel like nobody understands what they do and how important it is.  Honestly: it's true! If you don't want to be caught with the what do you do? question, why don't you be the one who asks it instead?  Making people feel like they're important to you and that you want to understand them is a great way to forge new alliances and build trust.  And who knows: you might just find out something useful.....

3:  The best defence..........

If like me, you are one of those people mentioned in the tip above who really love do to hear themselves speak, you just might struggle a little with my second tip, but that's ok I have a third one for you:  try treating it as a public relations opportunity. Instead of waiting for people to approach you with a complaint, why not go in armed with your list of recent successes and exciting future plans and solicit feedback?  Try saying things like, “We're considering going fair-trade when we re-negotiate the vending next year..... do you think we should?“  Of course, everyone is going to say yes and you're going to do it regardless anyway, but.... they don't know that: Their perception could be that they are making a contribution to the decision making process and when you eventually  bring it in, they may even see it as a shared success. Result!

4: The three-hit-combo

As any boxing fan will tell you, victory rarely comes with a single blow, but through skilfully delivered combinations.  To make the best of these tips, use them all together: Ask about them, fend off the complaint then solicit some positive feedback.  It takes skill and practice but master it and they'll be putty in your hands.  And if all else fails, there's always tip number five.....

5: The master avoidance strategy

If you've tried all the above and you're still getting grief, it's time to beat a tactical retreat to the dance floor. Now let me tell you, many people claim they can multi-task, but it is quite literally impossible to have a serious discussion about car-parking whist doing the Macarena or the Cha-Cha-Slide. Frankly anyone who can manage it probably deserves their own parking space anyway! Now if you've seen me busting-my-moves, you'll understand that this high-risk strategy is not to be taken lightly, but it can be brutally effective in a sledgehammer-to-open-a-walnut kind of way. There is even a very slim possibility that if you manage to pull it off extremely well, then at next years party you might just discover yourself being the subject of speculation about what Sarah-in-Accounts has been up to! Now go! Get out there and have fun! 

Merry Christmas.